Undead Survival: How to beat humans at their own game

I can’t say it enough. If you’re undead, get a gun. In the early days there were plenty laying around so all the smart zombies grabbed one. These days the “battles” seem to be limited to the rural areas with very few incursions into our cities but still… (I’m staying out of this one. I will say that the undead arming themselves is smart if you ask me and no one did.)

For the ladies out there my first recommendation is the Taurus PT111 Millennium Pro.
It conceals easily, it’s easy to handle and the only draw back is the recoil. The recoil is strong for living women and can be harsh for the undead ones also but it gives enough punch in a 9mm form to ward off human troublemakers. For some ungodly reason there are humans who make it a point to “relate”… with undead ladies. (GROSS!!!)
The 9mm Millennium Pro would be perfect for a concealed carry weapon in defense against human aggressors. With our eyesight being what it is at night, we definitely have the upper hand in battle and/or defense. It feeds all ammo perfectly. Hardball or hollowpoint, this Taurus had no problems digesting it while satisifying the need for good, tight groupings at thirty feet. The only mechanical drawback to it is break down. What a pain that is. In order to remove the slide you have to pull it to the rear first before removing the take down pin. Safety first implies always checking the chamber before hand. You should do this with every weapon. I can’t stress it enough. You may be undead and unable to feel traditional pain but that’s not an excuse to blow a hole in your foot. I think it’s worth mentioning that there’s a loaded chamber indicator above the extractor but that’s a poor excuse for visually examining the chamber with the Mark 2 undead eyeball yourself.

If the fairer of the undead species is uncomfortable with something so large in caliber or recoil, I recommend the Walther P22.
The P22 fires a .22 Long Rifle round that is fun enough for casual target shooting or close up mess your head up confrontations with humans. Very little recoil and even Tracey, my wife, enjoys it. I must say that I do as well. This gives consistant headshots at thirty to thirty five feet so I guess this would be good for humans too, sadly enough.
Like the Taurus above, it has a loaded chamber indicator also above the extractor which is again a poor substitute for visual safety. Take down is unusual for this particular pistol. You press down on both sides of the the take down, located on the frame, cock the hammer to the rear and pull the slide all the way to the rear until it lifts up from the slide, rear end first. I had a pellet gun once that disassembled like that. Talk about weird. It’s a good little pistol so I can’t say anything bad about it. Like most pistols though, this is for close in as close can get.

My personal pistol choice is an M1911A1 style. Colt, Kimber, and Springfield Armory snobs, both alive and undead, will go on for hours about how anything less than either of those brands is unacceptable. (I like Colt. They did it first and they did it best but what do I know. I work for table scraps.) Having owned a Colt and a Springfield Armory in the past I’d say they’re all good but I’m here to review the Citadel M1911A1 made by a company called Armscor. That’s the holster I wore when I carried a Colt 1911 at the beginning of our pleasant reign on Earth.
Hopefully they, Armscor, weren’t devoured in the undead rebelleion. It’s made in Phillipines by the same people that do the Rock Island Armory 1911’s. I bought this at one of the few gun shops still getting weapons in the United Zombified States of America. The USA knows we’re going to continue getting arms regardless so it’s not black market. I paid a hefty price for it though. Being new it cost me $949 minus tax where it’s $549 in the United States. It was one of the few times I wish I were still living. Anyway, I’ve replaced the mainspring housing, slide stop and thumb safety with aftermarket parts with no problem. The mainspring housing is a good case in point. The replacement is a Remington Rand part from World War 2 while the internal parts are all Citadel factory and it went in with no problems what so ever. (I put those in for him. Did he say thank you? NO! But he did give me extra bologna that night for dinner.) Unlike a Glock, you don’t have to worry about accidently triggering the internal safeties and shooting yourself in the foot. (On that we agree. Neither of us like Glocks.) I like the .45ACP and the classic styling of the 1911 so this was a no brainer for me. (Damn him and his stupid puns.)

My last review is for an oldie but a goodie; the M91/30 Mosin/Nagant.
Here is a Russian sniper showing off her Mosin before being sent off to battle.
As you can see, the Russians deployed devious snipers against us during the war. While small, these midget snipers could be deployed with very little effort and sent into areas too hot for normal human soldiers. They were tiny to say the least and with the Mosin in their shoulders they racked up on the undead kills. When I bought this and was told it kicks like a mule they were correct. Being undead our muscles aren’t like yours so the recoil was stronger than expected but I can see why this has its following. This will most definitely drop a human soldier on the attack at two hundred yards. Head shots are not a problem with this baby. Break down is easy and straightforward; what you would expect from our Soviet friends.

Well, that’s it for this round of reviews. Feel free to give me your thoughts and suggestions on weapons for the undead. Until then, stay delicious!

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About Jason McKinney

I'm a word slinging, werewolf loving, zombie wrangling, scare master author, husband and father of three. When I'm not writing, I'm blathering nonsense to the world or taking orders from the family. You have my thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy the madness and mayhem! Stay delicious, my living peeps!
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2 Responses to Undead Survival: How to beat humans at their own game

  1. Antonio J says:

    Nice stuff, Jason I didn’t know you were a gun nut too lol.

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