Brownie: The First Law Dog in Space!
While Joey was telling his incredible story to Teddy and Puffy, Brownie was on his way to the far reaches of outer space. He was in a rather big room and trapped in a large transparent bubble made of a strange stickiness. Brownie being Brownie couldn’t resist the urge to lick to bubble that imprisoned him and was greatly surprised at how it tasted. “Gross!” he yelp with disgust. “This tastes like tree goo.”
“As it should Earth human,” said a loud squeaky voice from the corner of the room.
“Your cell is made from what you would call a ‘plant’ on your world.”
“A plant? You made this from a plant on my world?” Brownie asked curiously.
“No, we made this from a plant on my world,” the voice said. A moment later one of the alien worms walked from its dark corner toward Brownie.
“Then why did you say a plant from my world?” Brownie asked.
The alien sighed impatiently before answering Brownie. “I meant that it was made from something you call a plant on your world.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” Said Brownie as he sniffed another portion of the bubble. “Geez, you guys are more confusing than Joey. And why did you call me an Earth human?”
“That is what you are. You are an Earth human. Obviously a part of the ruling class judging by the domicile you found us in,” the alien said in a snobby voice.
Brownie laughed at hearing what the alien had said. “Boy, you guys are not too bright! There was nothing dome shaped about the barn you were in! Besides, I’m not a human; I’m a dog!”
The worm aliens’ beady eyes appeared to grow in surprise at Brownie’s response but the alien quickly regained its neutral expression. “Good try human. We know that you are the ruling class as we have watched with great interest your dealing on your land mass.”
Brownie laughed harder and longer this time, which annoyed the alien even more. It raised a tentacle that held the ray gun that had fired the silver beams at Brownie. “You will be silent! I will not tolerate your insolence!”
“I’m sorry,” Brownie said still laughing. “It’s just that you think I’m human and that I’m in charge of the farm!”
“Stop laughing! Your attempt at trickery will not work! We were disappointed that we were not able to get the dog accompanying you but when we return to your land mass we will succeed where we failed.”
Brownie was on the bottom of his bubble cell now rolling on the floor laughing. “You think Joey’s a dog! You are too much! He’s a duck, wormy!”
This made the alien furious. He fired a silver beam at Brownie but it didn’t have the same immobilizing effect as it did before. It in fact it made Brownie stop laughing and start moving one of his hind legs in a scratching motion.
“Ah, yes! That feels so good! It’s just like when the farmer scratches my belly,” he said smiling.
The alien was dismayed by what it saw. “Stop that this instant!” Shrieked the alien in a tone that sounded like it had started to breath helium. “Look what you’ve done! I’m beginning to hyperventilate!”
The alien shut the ray off and stomped all four of its feet out of the room. “What an annoying Earthling! The fubilizer is not meant to do anything pleasurable.”
Brownie couldn’t understand the alien anymore as it tromped away but the high-pitched squeals that he heard now hurt his head too much at that moment to think about it.
“Wow. Puffy’ll never believe this!” he said aloud. “These aliens are more high strung than Benny is!”
His talk with alien had tired him out more than he had wanted. He lay down and took a nap for a while before another alien worm entered the room. It was a different worm this time; Brownie could tell by the way it smelled.
“Awake, human!” The second alien squeaked.
“Huh? What do you want besides having me tell you that I’m not a human?” Brownie said in sleepy defiance.
The alien blinked its beady eyes at him and then spoke in a softer tone of voice. “Forgive me and my comrades, human. We mean you no harm we just wish to get to know you while we are on this long trip back to our home world.”
“Long trip back to your home world?” Brownie said as he cocked his head curiously. “Where do you guys live? Somerset county? I know that’s a long ways from where I live. You know that place where I live? It’s where you took me from.”
“We know we took you from Earth, human,” the alien said as he sat down. To Brownie it wasn’t sitting so much as it was watching the legs disappear into the alien worms body.
“Glad to hear it. Like I told your friend, I’m a dog. A law dog to be exact and not a human.”
“We are verifying what you say at this moment,” the alien said as it pulled a silver bag from inside its rust colored body suit. It opened the silver bag with a tentacle and scooped out a thick mud like substance and proceeded to eat it. The alien paused after its first bit and looked quizzically at Brownie.
“My apologies,” it said in squeaky sincerity. “Would you like some?”
Brownie was horrified by the offer. “Are you kidding? I know dirt when I smell it and I don’t eat dirt. I mean I eat a whole lot of things I probably shouldn’t but dirt’s not one of them.”
“Forgive me, please for indulging in this snack. Your world is made of such tasty food indeed.”
“It’s made up of dirt!” Brownie roared. “You know, dirt! The stuff you walk on?”
“We live in it actually. You will see that once you arrive on our planet,” the worm said before taking another bite of the mud it was eating.”
“At least it’s close to home and I can just walk back,” said Brownie optimistically.
This time it was the aliens turn to laugh and it sounded once again like a voice that had breathed in helium. “Human…”
“Dog!” Brownie said.
“Whatever,” responded the alien. “You are going to Pluto. Please look and see how far from home you truly are.” A tentacle waved through the air and Brownie was amazed to be able to see through the wall of the room and out into space.
“The planet we are now passing, you call Neptune on your world.”
“Holy baloney!” Brownie shrieked. “This is like the coolest thing ever! Uncle Teddy’ll never believe this!”
The alien was a little stunned and unsure about how to respond to Brownie’s reaction. “Um, yes. Coolest ever, of course.”
“I have a few questions, wormy,” Brownie said as he gazed at what he saw.
“My name is Kynorgblip,” said the alien. “And we know that you are called ‘Puffy’.”
Brownie whipped his head around in extreme surprise. “What do you think my name is, how can I understand you and what do you call yourself again, Knee-orb-lip?”
“Your name is Puffy, my fellow Plutonians and I release a chemical through our suits that allows you to speak to me and me to you, and I am called Kee-norg-blip,” explained the alien with great patience.
The thought of the alien having such a funny name coupled with the alien and his friends thinking that Brownie was Puffy caused Brownie endless laughter.
“Look, Dee-dork-flip, my name is Brownie, not Puffy. Puffy’s a cat and my bestest friend!”
My name is Kynorgblip!” the alien screamed, “I will also not tolerate any more of your human trickery.”
“Brownie is my name and I think I’ll call you Alphabet and I’m a dog!” Brownie said gleefully.
“Milnorpop was right!” Raged the alien in another helium sounding tone. “You are an infuriating beast!” The second alien worm turned off the view to space and stormed out like the first.
“Hey! I’m getting hungry, by the way!” Brownie shouted. He then started to giggle for no reason at all. “I’m getting hungry and you need to stop being so funny! Start with the food and stop with the funny!” Brownie howled as he fell onto his side and then into sleep.